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Halrloprillalar

You can call me Hal.

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PoT Fic: Say "Arr!", InuKai
hook
prillalar
Something scoradh said stuck in my brain and then shrift posted all that pirate music and then I thought of the title. Mix it all together and you have InuKai for Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Say "Arr!" by Halrloprillalar (prillalar)
Prince of Tennis, InuKai, PG13, 2700 words.
Inui is weird. Kaidoh likes him anyway.



"Come in, Kaidoh," Inui said and leaned over to smell the back of Kaidoh's neck, which was this thing he did sometimes and right now he was doing it before the apartment door was even closed. Kaidoh kicked off his shoes and ducked inside before anybody saw. Then he leaned up against Inui briefly, squeezing Inui's upper arms.

"Thank you for having me over," Kaidoh said, even though it was the third Sunday.

"I made some tea." Inui passed Kaidoh a cup and Kaidoh had no choice but to drink it while Inui watched him, which was this other thing he did sometimes. Kaidoh drank as quickly as he could. "More?" Inui said and Kaidoh shook his head. "Then let's get started."

Kaidoh tried to look like he couldn't wait. After all, Inui was his boyfriend and his senpai, so it was only right that Kaidoh should do what he asked. Twice as right. But some of the things that Inui asked were just so strange.

At first it was the kissing, which Kaidoh guessed was not exactly strange, so much as it was icky, at least in the beginning. Inui's mouth was too wet and Kaidoh felt awkward because he didn't know what to do and he wasn't really sure that Inui did either. But after a few times, it started to make his skin go prickly and his stomach all swoopy and his...that...well, he didn't want to even think about that. Anyhow, he really liked kissing now. Mostly. Sometimes Inui salivated a lot and then his spit would run into Kaidoh's mouth and Kaidoh would have to swallow it. That was just gross.

They did other things too, things that made Kaidoh blush and almost cringe when he thought about them later, but while they were doing them, he didn't want to ever stop. Plus Inui helped him with his tennis a lot. So that was all going really well.

Then Inui said he wanted to try something creative. Kaidoh wasn't sure what Inui meant by that. To Kaidoh, "creative" was like writing a song or drawing a picture. Maybe Inui wanted to be a manga artist as well as a tennis pro. Kaidoh sometimes drew pictures of animals or his brother or people fighting monsters. And maybe there was one of Inui hitting his high-speed serve, but it really wasn't any good and Kaidoh could never get the hands right, so it was at the bottom of the pile. Any day now, he was going to throw it out.

Kaidoh never showed his drawings to anyone. He thought that maybe, if everything seemed right, he would like to show some of them to Inui, the ones that didn't suck too badly. Especially if Inui showed him some of his first. So Kaidoh was a bit excited when he went over to Inui's to be "creative".

That wasn't what Inui meant.

It turned out that Inui wanted to cosplay. He wanted them to dress up and act out scenarios. Kind of like a play, only it was all made up. Kaidoh couldn't figure out why Inui wanted to. Maybe Inui was interested in improvisational comedy. But then as Inui explained it more, Kaidoh understood, partly because of the look on Inui's face as he was talking and partly because Inui said it right out: the point of the scenarios and acting was to get to...that.

Kaidoh couldn't help blushing. And he couldn't figure it out. They were doing all that stuff anyhow. Why do the cosplay at all? It would only take up time and it was hard enough for them to be alone as it was. But Inui was looking at Kaidoh kind of like he had just before the first time he kissed him and so Kaidoh said he would do it.

Because as strange as Inui was, he made Kaidoh feel happy and dizzy and floaty, like a bunch of pink amusement park balloons pulling against your hand, trying to fly away. Sometimes, just remembering being with Inui made Kaidoh so happy, he couldn't sleep at night. So even if Kaidoh didn't feel obliged to do what Inui asked, he would still want to, just because he liked Inui so much. Only sometimes Kaidoh wished that Inui weren't so weird.

So, on the third Sunday of every month, when Inui's parents went out to have some time to themselves, Kaidoh came over so that they could have some time to themselves. And dress up.

They tried a few other things, but mostly Inui wanted to do this scenario where he was a doctor and Kaidoh was a patient. Kaidoh didn't really have to wear a costume for that one, so that was a plus. Inui had a white coat and a bag with a real stethoscope and a few other things that Kaidoh was always worried he would pull out.

Kaidoh had to come into the room and pretend that he was sick. Inui would examine him and then start to undress him and do stuff to him and eventually they would end up in bed together. Kaidoh wasn't sure he was doing it right, though, the acting part. It was embarrassing, for one thing, so he never really knew what to say.

And Inui said that Kaidoh should object more when Inui started to touch him, which was silly since that was what Kaidoh actually wanted. But Kaidoh also wanted to do his best, because of the balloons, so the next time Inui said, "Please don't be alarmed," and slid his stethoscope up the inside of Kaidoh's thigh, Kaidoh wound up and punched Inui on the shoulder.

That turned out to be wrong too. Kaidoh said he was sorry and Inui said that was okay and good thing it was his left shoulder and Kaidoh pushed his face against Inui's right shoulder and felt stupid and terrible and guilty. But Inui hugged him and kissed his temple and they ended up in bed anyhow.

Kaidoh finally figured out that Inui wanted him to act like he didn't like what was happening but to let it happen anyhow. Since he actually didn't like it all that much, at least the scenario part, he just let his real feelings show and hoped that Inui thought it was acting.

It seemed to work. Kaidoh figured that this time he would say his elbow hurt. Last time, when he said he had a stomach ache, he got ticklish while Inui was "examining" him and it was really hard not to laugh.

He put down his cup and waited for Inui to go into his room and get ready. Inui didn't move. "I thought we could try something new today," he said.

Kaidoh felt a sinking sensation, like he was going down in a highspeed elevator. He'd just got the whole doctor/patient thing figured out. Now all that hard work would be wasted. And who knew what Inui might come up with? It might be some magical girl scenario or Harry Potter or something with furry hamster costumes.

Inui pulled a shopping bag out of a corner. "We'll be pirates."

The sinking slowed considerably. Pirates could actually be cool. They could be pirate rivals and have a sword-fight and the one who lost would have to walk the plank. Or Kaidoh could be a fearsome pirate and Inui could be a businessman who was travelling on a ship. Kaidoh could swing over on a rope and they could have a sword-fight and then Inui would walk the plank. Or Kaidoh could be the infamous pirate captain and Inui could be maybe a ninja who was trying to assassinate the captain. Only it would be more fun to be the ninja who would sneak on board at night and defeat the pirate captain with tricky ninja strategies and then make him walk the plank.

Kaidoh nodded to Inui. Inui opened the bag. "You can keep your bandana," Inui said. "Here's your shirt." Kaidoh pulled off his tank top and put on the pirate shirt. It was big and white and billowy, with buttons up the front.

Inui put on a black tailcoat and a really big hat with a bent feather on it and a belt with a rapier hooked to the side. Kaidoh waited for Inui to pull out a belt for him too.

"I'll be the pirate captain," Inui said. "And you'll be the cabin boy."

"What?" Kaidoh said. Being a patient was one thing but cabin boy was another. Why couldn't he at least be the first mate who was plotting mutiny against the captain? Or the new pirate who had just joined the crew, the one with the amazing skills and the mysterious past.

"I'll go into my cabin and then I'll call you in." Inui adjusted his hat and gave Kaidoh a smile that made him apprehensive in a good and bad way at the same time. "Just follow my lead." Inui went into the bedroom and shut the door.

Kaidoh wanted to kick something but he was a guest so he didn't. He hissed a few times which helped a bit. There was no way to get out of this, so he tried to work out how a cabin boy should behave.

"Boy!" Inui called in an imperious voice. "Get in here."

Kaidoh hissed once more and opened the door. Inui was lounging on his bed, back against the wall. "Yes, captain?" Kaidoh muttered.

"Tidy up in here; the mess is disgraceful." Inui waved his hand which was actually a cheap plastic hook. It looked stupid.

"Yes, sir." Kaidoh looked around the room. It really was a mess, more so than usual. He started to put away books and papers and wondered if this was really just so Inui didn't have to clean up after himself.

"Step lively now," Inui said. "You're slow as the Kuroshio current."

"Yes," Kaidoh said again. He picked up a stack of Inui's notebooks.

"Wait!" Inui jumped off the bed and grabbed the notebooks from Kaidoh's hands. "I'll take care of those." He cleared his throat. "I mean, these be the secret logs of Jan van Hoorn. Not for the likes of you to puzzle over." He shoved them onto a shelf without even sorting them first.

Kaidoh stacked some magazines and hung up two shirts. Then he stood there because he wasn't sure what to do next.

"Sloppy work," Inui said, which was inaccurate and not very nice besides. "Six of the best would soon teach you your business."

Six of the best what? Kaidoh wondered. Then he figured it out and a jolt of ice went through him. Inui wasn't going to want to do that, was he? "Sorry, captain," Kaidoh said. "I'll do better next time."

"Come here, boy." Inui gestured with the plastic hook. "I'll leave it be for now and give you another lesson instead." Kaidoh went over to the bed. Inui slid the hook into the collar of Kaidoh's shirt and pulled it to the side so it was almost slipping off Kaidoh's shoulder. "You're a pretty thing."

It looked like this part was going to be the same as the doctor business. Inui was looking at Kaidoh like he expected something so Kaidoh tried to think of something to say. "Please don't, captain." Which was what he usually said, just with "captain" instead of "doctor".

"You'll learn to serve me," Inui said. "Or you'll feel the taste of my hook." He set the hook at the top of the buttons and pulled down. Nothing happened. Inui frowned, then lay back against the wall again. "Remove that, boy, and come here."

Kaidoh pulled the shirt off over his head. He stood beside the bed. Inui slid his non-hooked hand down Kaidoh's chest. It felt really good and Kaidoh hoped they could just skip to the end now. But Inui was looking at him again. "What are you doing, captain?"

"Do your duty now, boy." Inui put his arm around Kaidoh's waist and pulled him closer. He kissed Kaidoh's belly, a slow press with a swirl of his tongue. Kaidoh shivered and closed his eyes. "It's all you're good for."

Kaidoh clenched his fists. All you're good for? He was good for lots of things, even in this stupid game. "Ha!" he said. "You fell into my trap."

Inui leaned back and stared at Kaidoh. His hat slipped back and fell off. "What?"

"I'm a ninja. I came to assassinate you." This was more fun. "My skin is poisoned."

"Kaidoh?"

"You will die in 12 hours. Or you can walk the plank now."

Inui pulled his hat back on. He rubbed his hook against his cheek, eyebrows drawn together. "Is there nothing I can offer you for the antidote?" he said.

"No."

"No?"

"No," Kaidoh said. Of course a ninja with an assignment to assassinate a pirate captain wouldn't make a deal. "Nothing."

Inui looked at Kaidoh for a long time. Then he dropped the hook and hat onto the floor. "So, in your scenario, I end up dead?"

Kaidoh looked at the feather on the hat. It was white and stringy. He hadn't thought about it like that. "I didn't mean..."

"Why would I be dead?"

Kaidoh glanced at Inui's face. He looked away again. He didn't want to see Inui look like that, not even frowning, just hurt and confused.

"If you don't want to be with me..." Inui's voice was tight, like an elastic band stretched too far.

"No!" The thought of not being with Inui at all was like sinking to the bottom of the ocean, like all the balloons popping and lying torn in the gutter. "It's just..." Kaidoh kicked the hook and it clattered under the bed. He wanted to explain, but the words were so heavy, they dropped down inside him and made him feel sick. He wanted to take Inui's hand but his arms stuck to his sides.

"Kaidoh." Inui swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Kaidoh, look at me."

Kaidoh forced his head to turn. Inui's face wasn't quite so terrible now, but it was still hard not to let his eyes slide back to the floor.

"I thought you liked it." Inui unbuckled his pirate belt. "I thought we were having fun."

"I like--" Kaidoh looked at the wall, at the scribbles Inui made there.

"I wish you'd just tell me." Inui pulled Kaidoh down to sit on the bed. He put his arm around Kaidoh's shoulders. "We don't have to do that anymore."

Kaidoh's joints unlocked and he sagged, breathing out in a long gust. He leaned his head against Inui's shoulder. He looked at his cabin boy shirt hanging over Inui's desk chair. "It's okay," he said. "I don't mind."

"I don't want you to be unhappy." Inui rubbed his cheek on Kaidoh's head and Kaidoh felt warm down to the ends of his fingertips. "We'll stop."

Kaidoh slowly slid his hand onto on Inui's knee. Inui put his own on top of it and locked his fingers through Kaidoh's. A dart of guilt pricked Kaidoh's chest. He didn't want Inui to be unhappy either. "We can still..."

Inui pressed his mouth to Kaidoh's forehead. "How about just on special occasions?"

"Okay," Kaidoh said and turned his face and kissed Inui until he felt like he would float away. And then they did stuff.

+

After his homework was done, Kaidoh knelt at the table in his room and made a drawing. Maybe it was of Inui, dressed as a pirate, with a plumed hat and a drawn rapier. But Kaidoh couldn't get the hands right and he put it in the bottom of his drawer.

Then he went to bed and thought about the afternoon. "Ninjas are cooler than pirates," he murmured and smiled until he fell asleep.

-end-

Comments always appreciated. Yo ho!

.......ow. Ow ow. Awkward. It burns. I don't ever want to picture Kaidou doing sex roleplay because his voice will NEVER change pitch and he'll never act more than a cardboard box might and neither will Inui, for his part. He might just be too perverted to think about anymore.

And, yes, I laughed. Go Kaidou for being a ninja at a moment's notice, for being cool in his own mind. That twist redeems the awkward and squick of Inui taking advantage of naive and embarassed and unaware young Kaidou.

So in all, I like this one... or maybe your writing, BEYOND the squicky plot of this one.

Uh, *love*? I think.

I think this was probably less vicariously embarrassing to write than it was to read. *g* Poor Kaidoh! I get annoyed when the animators torture him and then I turn around and do even worse to him. No wonder he doesn't like me.

But he likes Inui so it's all good. :)

Go Kaidou for being a ninja at a moment's notice, for being cool in his own mind.

One of my favourite Kaidoh moments ever is in the episode where they are planning Ryuzaki's surprise party. He's the super-spy who follows her around on his bike while *wearing his bandana* and using the code-name "Snake One". Every time I think of that, I want to squish him and buy him videogames.


Your last line makes me so happy. And the entire fic made me happy.

I wanna write more unpleasant, uncomfortable yet really happy sex! Just like senpai!

Hee! I just saw your ninja post. GMTA! (You, me, and Kaidoh.)

I love it when they're awkward doofuses. Even if they don't. *g*

Hee, how perfectly wonderful. ♥

Thanks, sweetie. :) It was a fun break from my WIP. Kaidoh, poor thing, is made to be tortured, by Inui and by us.

omgdying. INUI. klfsafjd;lsaj

And yay for Kaidoh taking some initiative and turning the tables in an awkward situation. I was worried about him at the beginning (his wee initial reaction to Inui wanting to be creative :-S). And also :-S for Inui being oblivious to his games making Kaidoh uncomfortable. Silly boys.

Kaidoh is the sweetest sweetie in Candyland. I love to think of him sitting at his table, drawing things that he thinks suck and never showing them to anyone. I'm sure Inui will learn to properly appreciate Kaidoh when Fuji steals him away as time goes by.

(Deleted comment)
I think the boys are glad it's not. *g* Thank you!

poor Kaido. XD That was way too much fun, really.

If he were real, I'm sure Kaidoh would be plotting my death by now. Only he'd never be able to go through with it. (Inui, though...) I'm glad you liked it. :)

Inui really *is* weird! Loved the doctor/patient roleplay, because...yeah, they're teenage boys *g*. And ninjas are way cooler than pirates.

I have this theory that Inui is kinky as hell. And that he has a paysite with pictures of Kaidoh in various cosplay outfits. Is it any wonder Kaidoh hates me?

Ninjas are cooler than pirates. But zombie pirates are cooler than ninjas.

...happy and dizzy and floaty, like a bunch of pink amusement park balloons pulling against your hand, trying to fly away.

But Kaidoh also wanted to do his best, because of the balloons...


BECAUSE OF THE BALLOONS. YES.

Er, am bypassing the (wonderful, beautiful) crack to tell you how awed I am by your simile-making prowess. You always come up with the most perfect images. And they always stick in my mind long after I've read a story -- the canvas from Not the Triumph, the fencepost in water from 300, the green branch from that one Inui/Fuji drabble -- as these perfect little summations of great big emotions. It's almost paradoxical, the way you choose these simple images, and say them with simple words, and yet they become bigger and more profound than the most complicated prose and extended metaphors could ever be.

Also, ninjas *___*

This is the most perfect feedback comment ever and it makes me feel all floaty and balloon-like. One of the best pieces of writing advice I ever got was from iamsab who said, "Use inane metaphors." So I've really been working on finding unusual imagery. I guess I would sum up my style (or the style I'm trying to achieve) as "plain writing, vivid metaphors". And it's just so, so good to hear that it's working.


oh INUI. I love your inui with the fury of a thousand plank-walking pirates (i don't make much more sense than Kaidoh's cosplay, apparently). I love that everything boils down to walking the plank for kaidoh. and that he was PLANNING. so cute.

and that somehow this all spirals into the best kind of momentary angst. oh, boys.

*pounces you*

Inui is so intensely strange sometimes and it makes me love him SO DAMN MUCH. Such a freak. A freak whose terrible fashion sense is only second to Touya Akira's. And yet, a sex god.

And you know how I feel about Kaidoh. And about you. ♥♥♥

Lord, I was wondering what the hell I could have said to provoke fic and not really caring because fic and then you wrote about PLAYING DOCTORS OMG. [flails] Yes. And for the win forever!

Because as strange as Inui was, he made Kaidoh feel happy and dizzy and floaty, like a bunch of pink amusement park balloons pulling against your hand, trying to fly away

Dude. Your metaphors are always so on. That's exactly what I feel like when I have a crush, anyway.

And Inui getting all defensive! And Kaidoh drawing pictures! Soso great. :D

I'm just sorry that all the doctor play was in the background so I couldn't expand on it more. (If only I had had this idea a week ago instead of yesterday afternoon.)

Oh, these boys are just so adorkable that I can't help but tease them cruelly. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the inspiration. :)

Only sometimes Kaidoh wished that Inui weren't so weird. XD

I adore Kaidoh, I really do. I adore Inui too - the weirder the better.

Oh, InuKai. Oh your InuKai. Just... *flail*

YARRR!

They are a pairing made for crack. And mush. And ninja love. :) So glad you enjoyed!

I've just died and gone to some perfectly crack-filled heaven. I'm sure of it. Only in crack-heaven would this appear and make me laugh so hard that my sides hurt.

Loooooooooooove.

Hee! I hope I get to go to crack heaven when I die. All my favourite shows live there. *g* Yay for laughing! It's good for you and all.

Ahahahaha this was so excellent. Inui is so strange, and Kaidoh is so cute. Awesome.

It's a potent combination. :) I'm glad you liked it!

I could not stop laughing when I read this XD

Inui always struck me as someone who'd be into roleplay, ever since that episode where he disintegrates when Kaidoh calls him 'sensei'. Go you for writing this XDXD

I think Inui probably has all sorts of wacky kinks. And Kaidoh has none. Which is good for us, at least. *G* Thanks for letting me know what you thought!

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