Ah, the sweet Jonas-y goodness of Stargate S6. Don't get me wrong -- I'm in love with
Remus Daniel as much as the next fangirl and I'm glad he's back. But I have such a soft spot for eager, fresh-faced boys like Jonas. (Hey, I even liked Wesley Crusher.)
Redemption, Part 1
Daniel is still gone. Jack is having trouble dealing. Jonas beats up Teal'c, or maybe blows him, which seems more likely, so that Teal'c will put in a good word for him with Jack. Jack's grief process over Daniel is interrupted by Anubis, the insensitive jerk. Teal'c, meanwhile, zips offworld for five minutes of parenting. Oh, and his wife is dead. His grief process seems to consist of letting his kid beat him up, sort of multi-tasking with the parenting. The Gate is going to blow up so Sam and Jack zoom around in a spaceship. Anubis shows why he was passed over to play Emperor Palpatine.
Redemption, Part 2
Everyone expects Sam to come up with a way for the Stargate not to blow up and destroy life on Earth as we know it. Which is what you get for being the smartest girl in the world. (Except for Marilyn Vos Savant, but they don't think to call her.) McKay tags after her, begging to be disciplined or at least verbally abused a little. Teal'c, meanwhile, zips to another planet where Anubis is keeping his special Stargate Busy Signal device. Jonas drinks coffee and suggests that maybe the Stargate is actually portable. Jack drags the Gate out into space in a most surly fashion. Rya'c destroys the Busy Signal Device, which ticked me off because I really hate that kid. Anyhow, he didn't do it in time to prevent the Gate from blowing up, out there in space. But, hey, there's a spare gate, so no problem. In fact, there are about six extras so they can stand to blow up one or two. Jonas impresses Jack, or maybe blows him, and is allowed to join SG-1.
A Goa'uld mothership comes to Earth. Nobody is on board. But apparently, no-one at the SGC has ever watched a horror movie, so they send a team on board. Major Davis gets to go! I'm confident he's not the token blonde, but am concerned that he'll have a dramatic death in the fourth act from whatever creeping terror is aboard. As it turns out, the creeping terror is actually Thor's brain, but people die anyhow since some Jaffa are still on board. The ship falls into the ocean, there are waterlogged heroics, they get Thor's brain off the ship, and sweet, sweet Jonas Quinn saves the day! Paul Davis doesn't die and he and Jonas have sex later, only they're both thinking about Daniel.
SG-1 and Dr Fraiser travel to Antarctica, where
Leeloo some random hot chick has been found frozen in the ice. This is like a really hot date for Sam and Janet and they have a great time doing science while the boys film it for later private viewing. The chick comes to life after about 50 million years of being frozen and infects everyone with a deadly disease. Jonas, having filled the "sensitive" team slot, is designated to guilt her into dying so that everyone else can live. But she's too late to save Jack and so he must suffer the supreme indignity of letting the Tok'ra put a snake in his head. He begs SciFi not to air that part of the episode, but they just point to his contract and grin evilly.
One of the lost X-Files scripts is found and filmed as a Stargate episode. Sam, Teal'c, and Jonas dress in black leather and sunglasses and practice their investigative technique in a mysterious small town. I nearly experience TMI when Sam picks a lock. Jonas plays Mulder, Sam plays Scully, and Teal'c plays ... hmm. Doggett, maybe? The town is normal by day, alien by night, and Carl only knows if our heroes will make it out alive! Sam gets a snake in her head but she's shot full of some sort of Goa'uld tranquilizer so she's fine. She saves the day, everything works out, and they go back to exploring strange new worlds. (God, I love this episode. Everyone looks so *hot* in all that black.)
Then I took a break and read this really amazing Jack/Daniel hurt/comfort slashfic, called Abyss. Jack was captured by Baal and repeatedly tortured. Daniel, who was dead, appeared to him as an angel with big glowy wings to help him through the pain. They couldn't touch, since Daniel was an angel, but OMG the UST!!!! They pledged their true love and although Jack wanted to die and join Daniel in heaven, Daniel convinced him that he had to keep living for the good of humanity. But they knew they would be reunited later. Jack escaped and Daniel came to him one more time to say goodbye, his wings shimmering in a golden glow. I cried and cried!
People sit around a table and argue. Then, later, some of the same people sit around a table and argue. SG-1 goes to Jonas's homeworld, where they sit around a table and argue. Later they sit around a table and argue. There's some action, but it turns out to be a hallucination. At the thrilling climax, they stand around a table and argue! Then they go home. Probably they sit around a table.
The Other Guys
Nerds save the day.
In a script written by Agatha Christie, the Tok'ra, Jaffa, and Tau'ri are slowly killed off by an invisible enemy. This makes them prone to snipe at each other. The Jaffa become more outraged and Klingon-ish with every passing moment. The Tok'ra seem more like really irritable Vulcans. But no one is as cranky as Jack. I am completely transfixed by Peter Stebbings as Malek. (Oh, that pretty, pretty mouth.) In fact, I recognize him in a background shot without even seeing his face, just from the way he moves. It looks like Bra'tac is dead, but he falls through a plot hole and turns up in time to save the day. Everyone learns a valuable lesson about playing well with others and not running with scissors.
An alien world wants to make a treaty with Earth, but they have odd demands, like wanting the Gate addresses to some Goa'uld worlds. Jonas tries to romance an archaeologist to get info, but he's thinking of Daniel and can't get it up for her. So he searches her bedroom instead and steals her notes. Then he and Teal'c break into a special facility and find out that oh my god they're farming Goa'uld like salmon and grinding them up to make medicine. Then Malek shows up and I'm transfixed again. It turns out that the aliens have the Tok'ra Queen and a bunch of stuff happens and I think a lot of people are probably going to die, but I was sort of hazy about that. (Did I mention the pretty mouth?)
A reporter finds out about a secret project called Prometheus and harasses Carter about it. They send Paul Davis to threaten her, but that's like getting threatened by a Care Bear. The reporter tousles Paul's hair and buys him a chocolate milkshake. So, they have to give in to her demands to see the project. Of course, Jack is against it. And of course, it turns out that her camera crew is rogue NID who take over the ship (did I mention Prometheus is a big space ship?) along with Simmons and zoom off into space. Sam disables the ship and Jack and Teal'c sneak on in a death glider, since they can't bear to think of Sam having fun without them. Jonas is there too, but his main job is to get captured. They get zapped about a million trillion light years from home, only to be found by my and Jack's very favourite deus ex machina, Thor.
Thor and Jack have an emotional reunion. It turns out that the Asgard homeworld is overrun by Replicators and even though the other Asgard have a really good plan, Thor insisted that they get Jack to save them, cause he was missing his snugglebunny. So, SG-1 fly into this time dilation so that they can turn time off completely or some malarky. The planet is deserted, but then some Cylons show up. Not the A-list attractive Cylons, though, these are more B-list. One of them gives Carter the eye and she figures it's about time for another dead alien boyfriend. "Take me, take me now," she says and they have hot alien brain sex. He helps them to betray the others, then Sam drops him like a hot potato. They return to Earth only to find that 3000 years have passed and the planet is now ruled by apes.