I have invisible minions who tenderly upload all my fic to my many invisible archives and draw me invisible fanart and send me invisible mix CDs.
I have invisible enemies who post invisble trash talk and flames about me, but my invisible fangirls back me up every time.
I have invisible evil cohorts who plot with me to take over fandom and bend everyone to our will and force them to bow down and worship us. (Oh, I guess that's actually kestrelsan and laurashapiro. Did I spill the plan too soon, guys?)
I have an invisible bodyguard who keeps the invisible masses away from me at cons and beats on my invisible enemies.
I have an invisible girlfriend who looks just like Drew Barrymore and who has steamy invisible chat sex with me.
Also a cat.