hal

Halrloprillalar

You can call me Hal.

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Waiting. Also, icon.
hal
prillalar

I feel like I'm in more of a "taking in" mode right now than a "producing" mode. I think my Harry Potter brain is just on hold until I see the movie. It's not like waiting for new canon, though, so I'm not all speculative or tense. Just...waiting. Waiting for Stargate S8 to start. Waiting for the next ep of Fullmetal Alchemist. Waiting for the next batch of Prince of Tennis to download.

Waiting for my brain to make me write something more interesting than this.

Two of my co-workers are really into Buffy right now. Neither watched it on TV, but they're going through the DVDs now. They are just so damn cute. Both seem to be dead gone on Spike and Buffy/Spike especially. And I think they're surprised at their level of obsession. Just to see them fall into fangirl mode is very entertaining. I may have to search out some fanfic for them at some point.

But it's weird for me to have the wall between my real life and fannish life thin like this. I tend to like to keep things all separate. Fandom. Gaming. Work. Etc. Nice compartments and boxes.

("...and in this box over here is Roy Mustang. No, I won't let him out.")

A lot of my friends know I'm into fandom and that I write fic, etc, but I've never sent them to my website or anything like that. Last year I was gearing up to give one friend my secret identity, and then I posted a story on my site that kind of disturbed me and made me wonder what she'd think of me. And then I started posting all sorts of HP stuff and that made me feel even less likely to share it. Which doesn't stop me from writing it, of course. But it's the main thing that makes me feel weird about showing my site to other people. Hmm.

Waiting.


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But it's weird for me to have the wall between my real life and fannish life thin like this. I tend to like to keep things all separate. Fandom. Gaming. Work. Etc. Nice compartments and boxes.

Oh, yes. My two closest friends are big Buffy and Angel fans, and they know I'm involved in internet groups (though not to what extent) but I still feel the need to keep it all separate from them.

Your icon! *dead*

Whenever I talk with non-slashers about shows they also like, I get the feeling I can't really dicuss the show properly - they usually do not see and do not want to see nuances that define why I like a show so much. I try to avoid that if I can.

My biggest problem at the moment is to organize my LJ into compartments as I am slowly starting to friend uni-related communities. It's weird to go through two years worth of posts and deciding which ones go into the personal, which one into the fandom and/or slasher filter, and which ones are okay to remain un-locked. I live in constant fear that one of my uni-mates discover my LJ and by chance happen on an unlocked NC-17 rated entry...

Whenever I talk with non-slashers about shows they also like, I get the feeling I can't really dicuss the show properly - they usually do not see and do not want to see nuances that define why I like a show so much. I try to avoid that if I can.

Oh, that's a really good point. Jeez, my buddy D. doesn't even see the Mulder/Krycek UST!

In re compartmentalizing LJ, I did try to have a separate personal LJ, but I never wrote in it because I was always out of time. So I just live without reading local comms and the like.

But it's weird for me to have the wall between my real life and fannish life thin like this. I tend to like to keep things all separate.

I like keeping things separate, but censoring myself when discussing my fannish interests in a general way with non-fans can get tedious. I think what may have broken the wall for me was telling some friends about the Pippin scarf project - I spent so much time on it, and answering truthfully when friends asked "What are you knitting?" seemed harmless. But I later realized how easy it was to find my LJ if one googled Pippin's scarf (it's a bit more difficult now) and I suspect that at least one friend may have done that. And I think that someone who knows me well would recognize me in my LJ, despite my attempt to keep personal information private. I'm still not sure what I think about this, and if I really care that these particular RL friends may now know the true depth of my fannish interests.

Are you concerned that the friends who know that you write fic could identify you online even if you didn't point them to your site?

I'm not that concerned that they'll find me -- I don't think there's much of a trail that they could follow. But I keep wanting to point them places where if I did, then they might find me. Mostly because I sometimes post stuff in LJ -- like the fact that they're both getting into Buffy now -- that would be a good clue.

I think this is also about me wondering why I'm even writing and posting stuff if I find it disturbing and wouldn't want others to read it. I'm not talking just about sexually explicit fic -- I have no problem with that. But more things where there are issues of consent and age. Anyhow, it's too early to be too introspective.

But it's weird for me to have the wall between my real life and fannish life thin like this.

Oy. I know the feeling. I'm fairly new to the fandom--well, a couple months new--so I'm still in that phase where I love to talk about it all the time and it's basically taken over my life. :) But whenever I mention it with RL people, they always look at me a little oddly. Therefore, I try not to mention it too much. :) I even made a whole new journal just for my fanfic talk because I could tell that people were getting distinctly irritated that my regular journal was chock full of HP related posts and rants for/against my writing. :) And now that I have my writing journal, I have friends who are just as obsessed as I! :D hehe

I found that once I ventured out of the fannish part of LJ, it was so weird! (Not with this ID -- I have another LJ that doesn't see much use.) It's like a whole different culture.

And welcome to fandom! I hope you're having fun. :)

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