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PoT Fic: The Forever Love of Oishi and Eiji: A Tragedy in Three Acts (GP, PG13)
Uh...this happened.

The Forever Love of Oishi and Eiji: A Tragedy in Three Acts
Pairing: GP
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: A short play about Oishi and Eiji. 2100 words.

There is no set. The play is to be performed on an empty stage using only the space in front of the drawn curtain. Props should be minimal.

Oishi and Eiji both dress in tennis outfits, holding racquets at all times. Alternatively, Eiji may be costumed as a cat and Oishi as a Roman senator, but racquets may on no account be omitted.

Oishi is alone.

Oh! What a gusty sigh escapes my lips,
As here I linger, brooding on my state
Of solitary life, as yet unjoined
In bonds of gentle love. Alas for this!

There is one, though, whom I would call my own,
A teasing creature, with a merry heart
And pleasing face. But he'll ne'er cleave to me.
For like the sun, he rises, shines, and sets
Without a thought for those who worship him.

But soft! Someone approaches! I must hide
Away my melancholy and put on
A mask of cheer. No one shall know my pain.

Enter Eiji.

EIJI [ bounding ]
Hoi hoi!

OISHI [ aside ]
It is the very one whom I desire
Come hence to bring a light to my dark world.
[ to Eiji ]
My greetings to you, Eiji, on this day.

EIJI [ throws himself onto Oishi ]
Oishi! I'm bored, nyah!

OISHI [ aside ]
Oh how I wish that I could entertain you
With such sports of love of which I dream
When lying wakeful in my bed o' nights.

EIJI [ whining ]
Why won't you talk to me? You're so mean, Oishi!

OISHI [ aside ]
My cruelty is kindness, since to speak
My heart is cruel. I'll be more circumspect.

Wah! I'll cry!

OISHI [ aside ]
No stronger suasion could you work on me
To break the silence which now guards my lips.
I'll speak! But 'gainst the warning in my heart
That this can but distress you.
[ to Eiji ]
Stay, my friend.
I would not see those eyes grow red and weep
Through fault of mine, or any other cause.
My mind I'll open to you now and give
To all my thoughts a voice, for friendship's sake.

Want to go see a movie, Oishi? We can get ice cream, nyah!

For I am sunk in tedium and grief,
As day by day, a love beats in my heart,
Unheard, unnoticed by its own sweet source.
Thus my unworthy self grows e'er more sad
And longs to make confession. But I fear
To loose my tongue would cause more grief to him.
So silence is my custom, peace my creed.

EIJI [ jumping excitedly ]
Oiiiii-shiiiii! You like a boy! Oishi likes a boy! Who is it? Tell me! Tell me!

OISHI [ aside ]
I have put one foot forward. Dare I walk
This path unto its end? No, for I care
More for another's heart than for my own
And would not see it ache on my account.

Tell me! Don't be mean, nyah! I want to know!

OISHI [ aside ]
Oh! Were that it were anyone but you
Who asks this of me. Them I could refuse
Without a qualm. But so importunate
Are your entreaties and so soft your eyes,
I cannot keep my vow. Forgive me, friend,
If thus I gamble your long happiness
Against this briefer joy.
[ to Eiji ]
Then I'll make bold
And tell you plainly that the one I love
Is you, Eiji, and shall be all my life.

Oishi, you like me?

I dare to own it. You are all my heart.

You want to be my boyfriend?

Such favour I could never hope to earn,
But am resigned to love without requite.
To have my love returned is but a fant'sy
With which I cheer the darkness of my days.

And then you would take me to the movies and buy me ice cream?

For you, there is no deed I would not dare,
No cost I would not pay, were it my life.

Okay, you can be my boyfriend, nyah!

OISHI [ aside ]
Am I asleep e'en now? Is this my dream?
For never did I once believe this day
Could come to pass. This shock of joy may be
My death. But a such sweet end it would be.
[ to Eiji ]
If you would take this worthless, humble fool,
Then he's your man to do with what you will.
Oh, Eiji! Let me hold you in my arms
So that I may discern that you are flesh
And will not melt away. My sweetest love!

They embrace.

Movies now! Wah! I want peppermint ice cream!

Exeunt omnes.


Enter Oishi and Eiji, hand in hand. Eiji drags Oishi all over the stage throughout the act.

OISHI [ aside ]
Twelve days and nights has this world swung about
The sun while I have likewise made of you
The centre of my orbit, all the fix
and focus of my thoughts, my deeds, my life.

Look! A bookstore! Let's go in!

OISHI [ aside ]
We've not been parted. Of this privilege
I had but dreamed and never dared to hope
Dreams could be real. For fear of causing pain
To one so sweet, I held my eager tongue,
And only let it free to stop your tears.

Oishi, there's a butterfly! Catch it, nyah!

OISHI [ aside ]
Your heart is light, your happiness undimmed
By my rash act. Of this I am most glad.
For I would never grieve your gentle soul
Nor place a burden on you. I will bear
Such troubles on my own, for I am strong.

Wah! I want a drink! Buy me a drink!

OISHI [ aside ]
In sooth, it's strength I'll need. For while the sun
Is glorious from afar and gives both heat
And light to make the flowers grow, the trees
To rise, and all the earth a verdant garden,
Nearer to, the light is blinding, flames
Lick out and burn, the heat does suffocate.
Likewise a taste of honey fills the mouth
With sweetness, but to gorge on honey sickens
Any man. And so it is with me.

Oishi, you're so cute! [ pinches Oishi's cheek ] I'm cute too, right?

OISHI [ aside ]
For while I stood aside and let the longing
Fill my heart, I wept now and again,
Sighed gently at the love I bore for you,
And lived a week upon one merry smile
Dropt from your lips. But I am sun-sick now,
And loathe to sip one drop of nectar more.
For I would rather starve of love than surfeit.

Let's go to the arcade! Don't be mean, nyah!

OISHI [ aside ]
But though I would be anywhere but here,
And long to find my solitude once more,
My promises I'll keep, my bonds I'll wear,
And you'll not know the secret in my breast,
But see the smiling face that I'll put on,
To hide my anguish from you. Would that I
Had been so resolute before. Alas!
But manfully I'll bear it.
[ to Eiji ]
All your words
Are law to me. Lead on and I will follow.

Hoi hoi!

Exeunt omnes.


Enter Oishi. He looks disturbed and carries a small box.

Long days I've sought to find a single hour
In which to stand alone and in the shade.
I have been baking in the sun 'til all
My brain is crazed, my thoughts bewitched, and just
One purpose left in clarity: my freedom.

But still my conscience pricks at me -- my heart
Is not so monstrous yet, so cruel, to tell
You to your face of all my love grown cold,
My joy to sorrow, and desire to loathing.
For some small corner of my mind still holds
The memory of love. And for its sake,
I have prepared another way to rid
Myself of this unwanted troth, and free
You from your promises to such a cad,
A blackguard, knave, and villain such as I.

Within this box, a spider is secured,
Minute, but with a bite so venomous
That one drop in a jug of wine would fell
Ten of the strongest men. I'll loose the lid,
And as it scuttles to and fro, I'll give
My hand to it, and pray it be my doom.

For thus my death will seem a tragedy
Unlooked for, chance not perfidy. Upon
Your thoughts of me no shade of doubt will fall,
No faithless stain will mar, and you'll believe
I loved you to the end. Farewell, my friend!

Enter Eiji.

Hoi hoi!

OISHI [ aside ]
Ah! Curse the melancholy mood that cloaks
My heart and leads me into self-reflection.
For I have missed my chance and must now hope
To seize another. But I fear not soon
Will such a time present itself.
[ to Eiji ]
My hour is sweetened. As the fragrance of
A rose suffuses all the room, now you
Have filled my very heart.
[ aside ]
The rose has thorns!

EIJI [ hangs onto Oishi ]
Oishi, where were you, nyah? I was looooonely!

I ask your pardon for my thoughtless deeds.
I had a mind to walk about the town
And seek a gift for you, some pretty thing
That would delight your eyes and cheer your heart.

Oh, Oishi, is that it? [ grabs at the box ] Give me my present! Wah!

OISHI [ yanking the box away ]
No, leave this be. You cannot open it.

EIJI [ whining and still trying to get the box ]
Come on, Oishi! Give it to me now! Give it! I want it!

OISHI [ aside ]
I must not let it fall into his hands,
To keep him safe from harm is still my goal.
[ to Eiji ]
Sweet Eiji, let it be, for it is naught.
No bauble fit for you, no charming toy
That you would want it. Come, we'll go together
And for you, I'll buy what e'er you ask.

EIJI [ grabbing at the box and jumping up and down ]
I'm mad at you! Give it now! I want it! If you don't give to me now, I'll hold my breath and pass out, nyah!

Oishi is speechless. He clutches the box out of Eiji's reach. Eiji starts to pummel Oishi on the back.

Wah! Wah! Wah!

Oishi drops the box and the lid falls off. He yells incoherently, pulls out a knife, and stabs Eiji repeatedly.

Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

Eiji slumps to the ground, bleeding.

EIJI [ gasping ]
Oishi! You're so mean, nyah!

Eiji expires.

What have I done? What madness took my mind
And drove me to this wanton, brutal act?
I am a murderer, a vicious man,
Marked now by death and blood. Your death and blood,
Sweet friend. My soul is stained, my body reeks
Of sin. There is but one deed left to do,
To make my payment for this evil act
And follow you once more: Eiji, for you!

Oishi stabs himself and expires next to Eiji.

Enter Inui and Tezuka.

What befell here? What murder has been done?
[ examining the bodies ]
The first to fall was Eiji, as I see,
By Oishi's hand. Then Oishi plunged the knife
In his own breast. A grievous end to their
Late happiness, though I had thought mayhap
There was some cooling of Oishi's love.
This tragedy, I ween, is the result.

Oishi! Eiji! Fifty laps.

INUI [ writing in notebook ]
Tezuka, they can't run laps if they're dead.

TEZUKA [ bending down ]
Look, a spider.

Tezuka expires.

INUI [ steps on spider ]
Two morals can we draw from such a sight --
The first: be moderate in love, my friend.
The second: be on guard 'gainst spider's bite.
And with these words, our play is at an end.

Exit Inui.

*falls out of chair, howling with laughter*

That... That was crack worthy of the original. Oh, yes.

Who says anime and iambic pentameter can't mix? *g* And thank so much for the rec!


And I don't even watch PoT!

I guess some themes are universal. *g* Glad you liked it!

I pray thee pardon me whilst I give voice to the laughter that wells up from within. *snickering helplessly*

You do such honour with your fulsome praise that I would blush and give you all my thanks. :)

Oh dear GOD. ravenwoodiiipointed me to this. Thank god she did.

I think I'm going to die of laughter now. HEE!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun with it. :)

I'm not even kidding when I say that has become one of my favorite fanfictions of all time. Oy my god *fans self* I loved! you're incredibly good at the playwright style, though, perhaps I sensed a few made-up words? ;p

My favorite line?: Look, a spider.

I just about died when I read that line. I was like, "XDD!!!! TEZUKA, YOU FOOL!" *dies over and over* XDDD

...I tried to comment on this in tenipuri_yaoi, but I've been banned ^__^x Also, I adore your icon

Thanks so much! I'm really glad to hear you liked it. And I just thought it would be funny for Tezuka to die for no good reason at all. *g*

I love my Matrix!Inui too. :)

This was great.
Particularly if one pictures them in the 'alternative' costumes. Very funny! *saves* XD

Thanks! I'd love to see them in those costumes too -- I think it would be a great look for Oishi. *g*

{sputters with laughter}

Oh my god! You killed Tezuka!

{giggling and goes off to pimp this to other friends}

Hee! Tezuka should get killed in every episode, just to make him more interesting. *g* Glad you enjoyed!

You don't like Eiji very much, do you?
Ah, those long tirades are just priceless, I laughed myself sick because of you!

BTW, your "with you" icon reminded me that your first PoT pairing was TezuRyo. Well, guess what, the latest anipuri episode may revive that old flame of yours. Just a little spoiler hint: Tezuka and Ryoma are alone in Tezuka's bedroom. Ryoma is humbly kneeling in front of his beloved captain. *snickers* Yes I know, the people in charge of anipuri have decided to actively give us dirty thoughts!

I don't hate Eiji, but at times I do find him a little wearing. And I can't help wondering if Oishi finds him a little wearing too. *g*

The TezuRyo flame has never died! I just haven't got to the point of writing any yet. I think it will take a while to work out what I want from them and how to get it -- it will be difficult to do right. (I'd rather not know anything about unsubbed eps, though, if possible. I realise that might not be possible, given that most people in the fandom have watched them, but I do my best to stay spoiler-free.)

And in the meantime, there's my Kaidoh obsession... :)

*cries tears of laughter* Oh man, I love me my Tezuka!

Besides the awesome ending, this was very splendid entertainment! ^____^ Poor woobies.

Thanks so much! Tezuka's random death seems to have been universally enjoyed. *g*

You have just fried my brains - in a good way, I think, but I think you managed to make my brain go BOOM.

Not much I can say except good contrast between Kikumaru and Oishi.

<--- needs aspirin

<Homer>Mmm...fried brains...</Homer> Glad you enjoyed it. :)

I love this! Eiji is just annoying enough without being overwhelming and Ooishi is so... stoic, right up until the stabbity. *laughs* It flows really well although the first paragraph (stanza?) seems a little awkward to me. I love Tezuka's random death and Inui's conclusion; he really is the perfect Shakespearean narrator. And Eiji's last words! *dies* Brilliant.

Thank you. :) Poor Oishi -- he has such noble aspirations, but some things are just too much for him. And it figures Inui would be the last one standing. *g*

Oh man.

Oishi, you're so cute! [ pinches Oishi's cheek ] I'm cute too, right?

So utterly priceless.

Oishi's lines make me want to laugh and cry at the same time, and Tezuka's Look, a spider. nearly killed me. This was excellently done. Shakespeare is obviously no match for you. <3

(Came through via tenipuri_yaoi, again at potfics, and decided I really should leave some kind of feedback for you, awful as I am in giving it and all.)

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Tezuka never stood a chance, did he? *g*

you are terrifically cruel to eiji, but also ridiculously brill, so yes, hats off to you. if oishi's lines are all original and not lifted from the pages of greatness, i declare you a match for the bard himself. but oh, oh, i totally could see this happening, love the GP as i do.


Thank you! Yes, the pentameter is all original. Much was written at the pub with a pint or so to lubricate the muse.

This all stemmed from watching an ep where Eiji and Oishi are watching some match or another. Eiji is all worked up and can't keep quiet about how badly things are going and how upset he is. Oishi is just standing there with his usual beatific smile. And I thought: I wonder if Oishi is fantasizing about stabbing Eiji repeatedly with a rusty steak knife.

And lo! a fic was born. *g*

OMG, this is brilliant, and you are a genius.


*clutches stomach, which aches from laughing*

Hilarious. My brain isn't working well enough to come up with a better review.

But damn, the character deaths are so... heh. <3

Thank you! I'm glad it made you smile. :)