Halrloprillalar (prillalar) wrote,


Thanks, everyone, for weighing in on yesterday's epithets question. Some interesting stuff! I'll be replying to comments later on today. Here's another question, but specific to the story I'm writing, which is a Prince of Tennis piece, specifically MomoKai.

It's from Momo's POV and I settled on using "Momoshiro" once at the beginning and then "Momo" from then on. He seems to identify quite strongly with his nickname, so I think that will work fine. Today's dilemma is over what Momo calls Kaidoh. I don't mean in the narrative -- "Kaidoh" is just fine. And, really, we all know what Momo calls Kaidoh. My dilemma stems from whether to write it in English -- "viper" -- or Japanese -- "mamushi".

I try to avoid using fangirl Japanese in anime stories. Frankly, it makes me twitch. But there are some things that are necessary, like honourifics and titles. For example, I decided that I would use "buchou" when it's a form of address and "captain" when it's part of the narrative:

"I will love you forever, buchou, no matter what you did," Ryoma said, when he found out Tezuka had been removed as captain after his drug-dealing was discovered.

With Momo and Kaidoh, though, it seems much less clear-cut. In fact, no matter which I type -- viper or mamushi -- it looks weird to me. I guess I'm trying to figure out which is less weird.

If you've used one or the other, which did you pick and why? Which would you feel was more natural to read in fanfic? And would you capitalize it or not?

And while I've got you here, does anyone want to give me a character beta on this when it's done? (Hopefully in the next few days.) I anticipate not more than 2500 words, probably less. I feel like I could use a second opinion on whether I've kept these two in character.

(Christ, is there anything else I can do to procrastinate on actually writing this damn thing? Cut my toenails, I guess...)
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