Because I was inadvertantly caffeinated.
The bitter taste of the "decaf" should have clued me in, but it wasn't my usual coffee place and I thought it might just be a different roast. But then I started getting the random anxiety and I knew.
For some reason, I didn't stop drinking the coffee though. Instead, I bounced around the office, slurping down what was left, and asking my co-workers things like, "Which is cooler, a zombie or a ninja?" and wondering if any (zombies and ninjas, not co-workers) were out to get me.
I think they thought it was cute.
Anyhow, which is cooler? And where would a pirate rank on that scale? All I could decide was that if Racer X became a zombie ninja pirate, it would cause such a massive black hole of coolness that the entire universe would fall into it.
You know, the problem with being caffeinated and running your mouth off is that, unlike when you're drunk, you know exactly what you're doing. You just can't help it.
Oh, and: Denny Crane.