"Sirius, I have something to tell you."
Sirius looked up from his Quidditch magazine. Remus was standing over him, a worried expression on his face. "What is it?"
Remus bit his lip. "It's just that ... I'm not gay," he said.
Sirius stared at him. "But you spent all last year getting up the nerve to tell us that you were gay." He frowned. "You didn't take some sort of potion, did you?"
"No," Remus said and sat down next to Sirius. "I'm just not gay."
"Come on, sure you are. You're just feeling pressured by society."
Remus didn't answer.
"What about you and that Ravenclaw boy, Partridge or something? If what you two were doing in that classroom that time isn't bent, I don't know what is."
"Well, that didn't really work out."
"Moony, just because your boyfriend dropped you doesn't mean you're not gay."
"It's probably better this way."
"What can I do to convince you?" Sirius said. Remus's shoulders were sagging and he stared down at his knees. "I know," Sirius said. "Here."
He leaned over and kissed Remus. Remus jumped but Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him back against the couch. Sirius took his time, kissing Remus just like he kissed the girls he took out for walks on Sunday afternoons, open-mouthed and lazy, with a swipe of tongue. And Remus kissed him back.
"See?" Sirius said when he let Remus go. "You liked that, didn't you?"
Remus's cheeks were flushed. "Well..."
"So don't go around telling people you're not gay, all right?"
Remus nodded. "I've got to go take a bath," he said, and left.
Sirius smiled. A job well done. And quite the kiss too. Quite the sexy kiss. Quite the...
"James," Sirius said. "I have something to tell you."