Halrloprillalar (prillalar) wrote,

Doctor Who: School Reunion

April 3
Popeye Scruton has been sacked. The new headmaster is called Finch. Pandora says he is progressive because she saw a load of computers being delivered to the school. I said that it would be more progressive to teach Barry Kent to read but Pandora said that was an unrealistic expectation for any headmaster.

April 4
Today we had an assembly. Mr Finch made a speech about Forward to the Future and the Value of Our Youth. Pandora and her gang kept going on about his piercing eyes and thrilling voice. I wished I were sitting somewhere else; their whispering made it hard to hear properly.

April 5
Miss Fossington-Gore was not in school today. She is ill. Mr Finch took our lesson instead and I was able to impress him with my knowledge of the Norwegian leather industry. Pandora said that I shouldn't have gone on for so long, but she was just jealous because Mr Finch didn't call on her.

We had our first computer lesson. Everyone but me seems to be already conversant with their operation. I passed it off by saying that I preferred to trust my thoughts to pen and paper, but really it's my parents' fault for being poor. I told my mother that if she had quit smoking five years ago, she could have bought me a computer with the money she spent on cigarettes. She just laughed and said she would have spent it on gin.

April 7
Miss Fossington-Gore still hasn't come back. Mr Finch has hired a bunch of new maths teachers, I don't know why we need so many. I have submitted a written request to be excused from computer lessons. Computers are the enemy of literature.

There is a rumour going round that Finch is a vampire.

April 10
My request to be excused from computers has been denied.

School dinners are going completely downhill. Everything is fried and starchy. I said that too many carbohydrates in the middle of the day would impair our ability to learn in the afternoon and that a light salad, fruit, and a packet of almonds would be much better for our digestion. But the dinner lady just piled my tray with chips and yelled at me for holding up the queue.

I will bring my dinner with me from now on.

April 12
I don't understand the computers at all. Pandora just gives me a withering look when I complain so I have stopped for now, as I'm afraid she'll go off me. I've asked Nigel to give me some lessons after school, he's had a computer for years.

April 13
Nigel gave up on me after a hour. I'll have to ask Brain Box Henderson.

Barry Kent organized a chip-eating contest today at dinner. I declined to take part, though somehow the atmosphere kept me from enjoying my apple and almonds. Barry got through seven trays before he was sick all over a table.

April 14
Brain Box Henderson refuses to teach me to use the computers. I told him that it was immature to let his past broken romance with Pandora keep him from helping a classmate. "That's not it, Moley," he said. "It's just that you're a git."

What am I to do? We spend half our time on computers now. I have just been pretending that I know what I'm doing, but surely I can't keep that up forever.

April 15
Nigel sneezed six times in maths and Mr Wagner sent him to the headmaster to be treated for his cold. Then Mr Wagner called Barry Kent up to demonstrate a problem and Barry covered the blackboard with strange-looking equations. Mr Wagner said it was excellent work. When I mentioned it to Pandora afterwards, she said it was so perfectly obvious that even a moron like Kent could hardly miss it.

Perhaps I have some brain-wasting disease.

April 16
I looked up diseases of the brain in the school library and I'm afraid that I might have cerebral atrophy, Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker disease, or kuru.

Nigel is still absent. Perhaps he has kuru as well.

April 19
Tried to get hold of Nigel at the weekend; there was no answer. Perhaps he's gone away with his family.

Another new teacher today, Mr Smith. He asked Barry Kent a lot of questions on physics and Barry showed off again. Pandora says that Barry is an interesting case, he's learned so much in such a short time that he must be a genius and that even Einstein had done poorly at school. I pointed out that since Barry was doing well at school he couldn't be Einstein.

Four hours of computers today! I sit in the back and try to compose poetry in my notebook, but somehow the muse has been silent lately.

April 20
Today the school blew up.

April 21
Went out for chips with Pandora. She didn't finish hers. She says the ones at school were much better.
Tags: adrian mole, doctor who, the migraine pixies made me do it
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