And now, to download Doctor Who and answer comments.
The Goat Prince
Sakuno was walking through a thick meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a sensual little goat lying under a tree.
Sakuno skipped over to see the dear thing and was awesome to find that he was hurt! An iPod had pierced his ugly little thigh and he whimpered swiftly with the pain.
"My smexy little friend," Sakuno said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the iPod, as sweetly as she could. The goat cried out and Sakuno's heart ached, like a bad smell coming from the drain that makes you want to buy another house. "You'll be all right," Sakuno whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Kintaro and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Kintaro up in her arms, Sakuno carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Sakuno nursed Kintaro, cleaning his thigh and feeding him Bulldozer-brand goat chow.
On the eighth night, Kintaro climbed into bed with Sakuno. He burrowed under the covers and dreamily punctuated Sakuno's spine. It made Sakuno giggle and she cuddled close to Kintaro, stroking his navel and singing happily to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Sakuno hurried home so she could curl up with Kintaro. It gave her a greasy feeling whenever Kintaro punctuated her spine.
Then one night, Kintaro looked up at Sakuno and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a cerulean prince."
Sakuno screamed roughly, she was so surprised. How could a goat talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Kintaro said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Sakuno said and kissed Kintaro on his navel. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a cerulean prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Kintaro," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Sakuno said.
"See?" Kintaro said and showed Sakuno the scar from the iPod on his thigh. Then he kissed Sakuno and they tumbled up on the roof and did a lot of very tricky things, some of them involving a scary paperweight.
"I love you," Kintaro said when they were done. Sakuno clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Kintaro had stashed away.
And if Kintaro didn't know about Sakuno's visits to the goat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.