Halrloprillalar (prillalar) wrote,

The usual whinging.

I am not caught up with LJ. I am not going to be able to catch up with LJ. I feel terrible about this, but I don't see anything changing in the near future. The more I don't read (or answer comments), the more guilty I feel and then the guilt makes me avoidant and I just don't go near the computer at all. No LJ, no writing, no reading fic. (I'm still watching and reading all my media, though.)

Just to clarify, a new job and some other life things have made me a lot more busy. Nothing bad has happened. But I have less brain space and social energy than I did and there's not enough left for my current level of fandom involvement. I'm really a huge introvert and I'm needing more time inside my own head to recharge.

I hate feeling so unconnected to fandom. And I hate being so unproductive. I think it's going to have to go one of these ways:

1. Cut my flist. I SO don't want to do this. I never have done a serious cut before. I love having a large and diverse group on my list. But that really does me no good if I'm not actually reading it.

2. Filter my flist. I do have filters now, but they're for organization and I read all of them. (Well, I did, until a few weeks ago.) Somehow, that seems less, I don't know, honest than cutting, though. I don't usually make locked posts, so it wouldn't really restrict access to any of my fandom stuff.

3. Struggle on. Maybe after a month or so, I'll get my brain organized enough that I can be as social/productive/happyhappy fangirl as I was before.

4. Ignore LJ and fandom and just rewatch the Ippo-Sendoh bouts over and over again. At the moment, this is a tempting option.

I will take some time to decide. Now I am going to go try to write some fic, to get myself into more of a fannish headspace. I was going to disable comments on this post, so I wouldn't have to feel guilty if I didn't answer them, but meh.

Sorry for inflicting my complaining on you. And sorry for letting you down. I ♥ you guys. It's not you, it's me.
Tags: on the subject of me
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