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You can call me Hal.

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PoT Fic: Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz, MomoKai
mk hands
As always, thanks to kestrelsan for story help. We'll go on that double date with Momo and Inui soon!

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz by Halrloprillalar / prillalar
Prince of Tennis, MomoKai, PG-13, 2000 words.
In which Momo is dumb, Kaidoh is cranky, and the internet is not helpful.

Momo woke up sticky. Not sticky down there — no sticky-type dreams and no sticky-type pre-sleep activity, which kind of sucked, because Momo really liked that sort of thing. Right now it was his face that was sticky. Which actually could be from sticky-type activity and how gross would that be all over your face? But that would be more tacky than sticky and Momo was definitely stuck to something.

He touched his cheek. It was gum. It kind of reminded him of something, something from last night. Something annoying. Take that gum out of your mouth or you'll wake up with gum in your hair.

Oh, right. Kaidoh. Who had rejected Momo's suggestion that they do sticky-type things on the grounds that they already had done it once that day, which was some sort of bizarre rule that Momo had never heard of before and which made no sense at all since they were young and strong and prone to inappropriate erections just from the wind blowing the right way.

And, anyhow, Momo didn't have gum in his hair. Also, it came off his cheek when he peeled it away. Which proved that Momo was right and Kaidoh was wrong and that they should do lots of sticky morning things. If he woke Kaidoh up just the right way, Kaidoh might even be snuggly afterwards, which Momo didn't really want to admit he liked, but he did. He just had to get rid of the gum first. Only it was stuck to something else.

Of course it was Kaidoh's hair.

Kaidoh was still asleep, which gave Momo some time to come up with a plan. It only took a few seconds to devise Plan A: Sneak out of Kaidoh's house, then the city, and possibly the country. The downside was that there would be no more sticky fun time with Kaidoh in New Zealand or wherever Momo ended up. And while he could probably find someone else to do that stuff with, he was used to Kaidoh. Kaidoh was broken in. Also, he would probably wake up while Momo was getting dressed.

Okay, Plan B: Frame someone else. Like maybe Kaidoh's little brother. Only that would be really mean and, anyway, Hazue was a good kid. And lots nicer than Kaidoh.

Maybe Plan C: Get down there under the blankets and do something to Kaidoh that would possibly result in a sticky face for Momo but which would hopefully distract Kaidoh enough that he wouldn't notice the gum in his hair. Yeah, until he got up and looked in a mirror.

No, Momo needed a better plan. But after he'd rejected Plan K (fake a news report about spontaneous human gum stickification) and Plan L (declare a Tennis Emergency), Momo figured there was only one way to go. Plan M for Momo-chan: Get the gum out of Kaidoh's hair before he woke up.

Momo scooted over so he was half spooned up behind Kaidoh. The gum was mashed just behind Kaidoh's ear. Momo flexed his fingers. This would take some finesse. Good thing he had lots of finesse. Also that his brand of gum was marketed as "the gum that doesn't stick to anything". All he had to do was run his fingers gently through Kaidoh's hair and the gum would slide right out for sure.

Momo ran his fingers gently through Kaidoh's hair. The gum didn't move. And now Momo's fingers were tangled up in the hair. Okay, back to Plan A. Just as soon as he got loose.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kaidoh sat up and Momo's hand jerked free.

"Um, snuggling?"

"Why were you pulling my hair?" Kaidoh propped himself back on his elbows.

Momo scooched away and crawled out from under the covers. "I know how you hate it when you oversleep. Also, I just remembered I have to, um, help my mother clean the house this morning." He grabbed for his clothes. "So I'll see you tomorrow at school, okay?"

"You never clean anything." Kaidoh yawned. "And we were going to play tennis after breakfast."

"No, I'm pretty sure I was going to scrub floors. Like a good son." Momo hopped on one foot, then the other, pulling on his socks. "You should try it some time. In fact, let's have a bet to see who can spend the most time at home helping his mother."

"I help my mother all the time." Kaidoh shot Momo a look, the standard pissed-off Kaidoh look that would have made a good before picture for a health drink advertisement or maybe an illustration for a pamphlet on the dangers of not eating enough fibre. And Kaidoh had no reason to give Momo that nasty look, at least not that he knew about yet. It made Momo feel unwelcome.

"Then it's a bet." Momo zipped up his pants with a bit of regret for the lost chance of morning sticky fun time. "You know, I might even take a few days off school. To get the floors really clean." He picked up his bag and headed for the door. Just two more steps and he'd be--



"You know," Momo said, "you should take your gum out of your mouth before you go to sleep."


"Definitely ice," Momo said. He wrapped the cubes in a cloth. "Then you hit it with a hammer or something and it breaks."

"You're not hitting my head with a hammer!"

"I won't use a hammer. I'll snap it with my powerful grip." Momo held the cloth to Kaidoh's hair.

"This had better work."

"Of course it will work! I got it off the internet."


"Definitely talcum powder," Momo said. He shook some onto Kaidoh's head. It looked like dandruff. "Then the gum combs right out."

"It smells funny." Kaidoh sneezed.

Momo worked the talc into Kaidoh's hair. Kaidoh sneezed again. "Hold still," Momo said. "I'm taking the gum out now."

"Is it going to work this time?"

"Um, you have another comb, right?"


"Definitely raw egg," Momo said. He cracked the egg over Kaidoh's head and massaged it in around the gum. It was supposed to make the gum pliable so it would slip off the hair. But the egg was mixing with the talc into some sort of batter, like Kaidoh was cooking pancakes on his head. And the gum wouldn't come out. "I'll try something else." Something had to work. Anything. Cooking oil. Ironing the gum between sheets of paper. "I'll definitely get it out."

Kaidoh jumped to his feet. "Forget it." He rubbed at his head with a handkerchief. "Just forget it." He yanked open a drawer and pulled out a bandana. It covered the gum and most of the batter.

"There has to be something." Momo checked the web search again. "Come on, let me get some hairspray."

"Get out." There was nothing standard about the look on Kaidoh's face.

Momo got out.


Three meat buns ought to do the trick. But when Momo sat down with the paper bag, he didn't want to eat any of them. Maybe he wanted soba instead? But that twisted up feeling in his gut wasn't hunger. It was fucked-up-ness. He wanted to tell himself that it was all Kaidoh's fault and that it wasn't a big deal anyhow but he knew it wasn't true. And he felt terrible in a way that had nothing to do with whether or not he'd be able to get down and sticky with Kaidoh ever again.

He had to make it up to Kaidoh somehow. Momo scrunched his eyes closed and thought hard. Okay, Plan N: Take Kaidoh to the amusement park. Momo knew he secretly liked it there. But then if someone saw them together, it would get around that they were on a date and Kaidoh would get mad all over again.

Maybe Plan O: Play tennis with Kaidoh and let him win. But Kaidoh would know if Momo threw the game and, anyhow, that wouldn't be right. Plan P: Do all Kaidoh's homework for a month. Except that Momo got worse marks than Kaidoh. Plan Q: Buy Kaidoh a plant for his room. Except that that was stupid.

All the plans were stupid. He was stupid. Momo threw the meat buns in the trash.


"How did you get in here?" Kaidoh's game controller clattered onto the floor. He jumped up, hunching his shoulders and pushing his chin down nearly to his chest.

"Your mother let me in." Maybe he shouldn't have come back so soon. Maybe he should have waited until Monday, let Kaidoh cool off first.

Kaidoh pulled at the knot on his bandana, twisting it lower on his head. It was a different one than before. Without all the egg and talc on it.

Momo looked over at the television. "Is that We ♥ Katamari? I always mess up the sumo part."

"Momoshiro..." Momo thought Kaidoh was going to come over and take a shot at him or something. But he just stood there, glowering and fidgeting. "Go away."

"Kaidoh." Momo took a deep breath. Plan Z or nothing. "I'm sorry. It was all my fault. I was stupid." He looked down at the floor. "I mean it. I'm really sorry. And I'll never chew gum again." Kaidoh just looked at him, a weird look that Momo couldn't figure out. "So, um, I'll see you later?"

"If you don't chew gum," Kaidoh said, "your breath will stink."

"Oh." Momo grinned. Finally a plan that worked. "I guess you'd know."

Kaidoh hissed and gave Momo a look, but it was the normal look this time and Momo knew how to deal with that. "Switch to two-player," he said. "Battle mode. I'll kick your ass."

Momo beat Kaidoh easily. Which was strange. Not that Momo won, because that was expected, but that Kaidoh made stupid mistakes. And that he was still all hunched into himself. And that between the bandana and Kaidoh's collar there wasn't any-- Momo twitched the bandana off Kaidoh's head.

"Your hair!" It was gone. Or almost. Kaidoh's head was shaved, only about three millimetres of hair left, sticking up like little black bristles over Kaidoh's pale scalp. Momo reached out to touch it.

Kaidoh knocked his hand away.

"Jeez!" Momo said. "I mean. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this--"

Kaidoh passed his hand over the top of his head. He shrugged. "Whatever. Let's just play."

Momo won again. Kaidoh did a lot better, but he kept taking his hand off the controller to rub his head. "Let me feel," Momo said. Kaidoh blocked his arm again. "Oh, come on." Momo reached over and this time Kaidoh let him. Momo ran his hand up the back of Kaidoh's skull and over the top to his forehead. It was prickly and soft at the same time. Kind of nice. He did it again. And again.

"It feels good," Momo said and Kaidoh pushed him down and kissed him.

A controller was jammed under Momo's leg and he squirmed until he was free. He got his arm around Kaidoh's neck. He opened his mouth. Kaidoh pressed up against him and they kissed until Momo's jaw was aching and his lips were slippery with spit. He wrapped his hand behind Kaidoh's head and moved it up and down, feeling the burr against his palm. Kaidoh pushed his forehead into Momo's shoulder and his leg between Momo's thighs and they lay there for a while, hardly moving.

Kaidoh shifted, then pulled back. He was breathing hard and his cheeks were flushed. Momo still wasn't used to seeing his bare scalp like that. "Kaidoh," he said and gave his head one last swipe.

Kaidoh wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "Do you want to stay over?" And do sticky things.

"Yes," Momo said. Even though he knew he'd wake up with gum in his hair.


Comments of any kind are always welcome. :)

♥ They are such lovely idiots. Beautiful story, Hal. :)))

I love their idiocy. I'm glad you liked the story!

Oh, boys.

I should tell my girlfriend that I want to stop working on the bleak, depressing thing we're writing right now, and write lots of schoolboy porn instead! ...wait, we actually did a schoolboy AU for the guys we're writing about now. (And there sure was porn! But then later there was plot, and it was also pretty bleak. Poor boys.)

(Also, mmm, Kaidou with a buzz cut. Man, I should have had a good photo taken of the back of my head right after a buzz cut, for icon purposes.)

Omggg, that was so cute and sweet and funny (funniest stuff I've read all day, in fact) ♥ Momo was so Momo (Momo is a Silly Boy and the narrative definitely reflects that ;)) and Kaidoh was so Kaidoh (*pets his buzz cut*) and that title is definitely FTW~~~ I would quote stuff, but I don't think everything will fit in this comment box. :x:x

I don't think I've ever gotten gum stuck in my hair before, but I recall getting Sticky-tac in my hair once. Right around the roots (NOT a good place to get anything stuck X3). Can't remember how I got it out though -- do Momo's Internet-methods work? Would be good to know for the future...in case I decide to sleep with gum in my mouth. :D

Momo is way too fun to write. I have to be stern with myself to keep from always writing from his POV.

I can't remember getting gum stuck in my hair either. If you ever do, I recommend more thorough research than Momo did. :D

Thank you for such a great comment! It really made me grin. :)

Oh gosh, that was adorable. I haven't read MomoKai in ages and I think you've just reaffirmed my love for them. ♥ I love Momo's inner thoughts and the various Plans. I would also like to see more of "sticky fun time." ;D ;D

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Momo is such a doofus but I think that's why I love him.

I would also like to see more of "sticky fun time."

You and Momo both! :D

MomoKai!!! It's been far too long. ♥

And as always, this is great. :D I've told you before I love your Momo, but I'll say it again -- I love your Momo~ ♥


"Good thing he had lots of finesse."

I would like to know where Momo's getting his information. :D

I was feeling the same way. I missed these two! And I'm sure Momo's information sources are totally reliable. Except for the ones on how to get gum out of hair.

Oh. OH. <3

This is wonderful! I love your Momo, he's so awkward and silly and teenaged and Momo. Hell, I just love your fic.

Thank you so much! Momo is a joy to write. I'm sure he'd be spared a lot of torture if he weren't, though. :D

Oh, BOYS! This was adorable and funny and exactly what I needed tonight.

It's my new just-in-time delivery system!

I've missed your MomoKai, Hal. A lot.

I don't know why, but every time I read "sticky things" I laughed. It just...that's such a Momo description. And the way you write him is so charming. (So's Kaidoh, in his own gruff way. ♥)

That was a lovely before-bed read. ^.^

I missed them too. They are such adorkable sweeties. I'm so glad you liked the story!

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I suspect Momo has Kaidoh's mom so charmed that she'd never believe he was getting Kaoru in trouble. :)

And SO MUCH YES about the scatter plot.

like Kaidoh was cooking pancakes on his head

Hehehee! They fill me with delight!

"If you don't chew gum," Kaidoh said, "your breath will stink."

Bless his sensible, bristly head.

Poor Kaidoh and his pancake head! At least he gets to make out with Momo. Which I bet would be fun.

Thank you for the boost in your LJ too!

Ah, sweet sweet fic to begin the day ! Thanks for sharing it ^^

I'm so glad you liked it! ♥


OMG, his pretty hair! How could you do that to him, Hal? How? :D

That opening paragraph is a thing of beauty.

But shaved heads are smexy! And it will grow back, I'm sure. Maybe Inui has some miracle hair growth formula he can give to Kaidoh. :)

I loved Momo's POv and how well, stupid he was. He just wanted sex Kaidoh ^___^ which was sweet yet amusing as well.

Momo wants what we all want. :D I'm glad you enjoyed!

Aw, beautiful (and funny, hee)! I snickered so much when I reached the part where talc and egg mixed into a batter of doom, haha.

I loev how you write them boyish and snarky and sweet at the same time. This is the first MomoKai I've read in the last months, and you woke my hunger for more. <33 Thank you. :)

Aw, thank you! I was missing these two a lot. Their love is a cranky love. :)