A snippety thing I wrote for a sick friend.
Xander/Andrew, and sort of Tom Welling
Buffy spoilers for S7
Disc: Joss, not me.
(I already used this title once, but it was for a 50 word fic and I just can't think of anything better.)
The Dangerous Lives of Fanboys
"Sign it to my good friend Andrew, k?"
Xander thought Andrew would dissolve entirely when Tom gave him a big smile and complied. Xander pictured him melting away, leaving only the cloak and false beard from his Gandalf costume floating in a pool of ... what? Drool, probably. He took Andrew by the arm and pulled him away from the table.
"Can we go to the dealer tables now?" he said but Andrew wasn't listening.
"Isn't he beautiful? Did you see the look he gave me?" Andrew clutched Xander's biceps. "Look at this picture, see how he wrote my name?"
"He's so pretty it makes my teeth hurt," Xander said. "Someone needs to break Tom Welling's nose with a chunk of Kryptonite."
Andrew looked up at Xander. "Are you jealous?" He leaned in and lowered his voice to not quite a whisper. "Because I don't think about him when we ... you know."
"I never said you did. Since I already know who you're thinking about then."
"I told you already, I was having a dream about Aragorn. I didn't wake up all the way."
"Can we just go to the dealer tables?"
"Well, okay." Andrew looked reluctant, what little of his face Xander could see under the beard and the hat.
"What is it now?"
"I just wish you were in costume. It's a little embarrassing."
Andrew had had an elaborate plan to outfit Xander as G'Kar. Since the plan involved Andrew summoning a Kr'oll demon and Xander killing, skinning, and wearing the Kr'oll demon, Xander had vetoed the entire thing.
"Fine, *I'll* go to the dealer tables. *You* go moon after Superman some more."
Andrew tucked his hand through Xander's arm. "We'll do the tables first. Maybe when we're done, we can talk to Tom again."
Xander woke up. Something was different. He looked down and saw that he was still wearing the rubber hobbit feet Andrew had made him buy yesterday. And that he was spread-eagled on the bed, tied down at wrists and ankles. Also, there was duct tape over his mouth.
Oh, joy. It had been 8 months since his life had been in danger. Xander hadn't missed it at all.
He was just starting to worry about Andrew when he walked into the room.
"What is going on?" said Xander, only it sounded like "mmm mmm mmmmmm mmm". Maybe Andrew had changed his mind about the kinky bondage fun.
"I'm sorry, Xander, this is just a precautionary measure until we can determine the source and extent of your evil powers." Andrew held a piece of paper in front of Xander's face. An email message from one of Andrew's many mailing lists. According to which, on the way out of the con yesterday, Tom Welling had tripped and fallen onto a display of Smallville props and broken his nose on a chunk of green Kryptonite.
"It's a coincidence," Xander mmm-ed, but after all those years on the Hellmouth, he had to wonder. Maybe he did have evil powers after all.
"I called Willow," Andrew said. "She thinks she can fix it all up, it will just take a while."
Xander relaxed. Everything would be okay.
"And then, once she's done with Tom's nose, she'll come over and look at you."
Xander tried to slap his head with his hand and failed completely. So, there was no telling how long he was going to have to stay here, tied and gagged. He was going to die of boredom. Unless...
"Mmm mmm mmmmm," he said, and by various blinks -- winks? -- and moans and back-arching tried to communicate that since they were just waiting around, perhaps this would be a good time for some kinky bondage fun.
"Oh," Andrew said. "Of course, Xander honey." He picked up a comic book off a pile on the floor and sat down next to the bed. "Okay, in the first panel, Peter and MJ are in a restaurant."
Xander sighed, closed his eye, and tried to use his evil powers to make Angel's hair fall out.